Helen

Helen always depended on me, and I've always felt responsible for her. That's why I felt so helpless when she started to grow up. It wasn't as if she had a new sort of independence, it was as if she just didn't care. She wouldn't brush her hair for weeks and made all her own clothes (and none of them even fitted properly). She let herself go completely. That's was why I was so surprised when she started talking about Richard. She loved him. She loved him too much. He just took her as she was, and that's what she needed. I let her go, let her slip away. It didn't seem as if Richard felt responsible doing it. If only I had known what would happen.

Only when it hit the headlines did I start to worry. Nobody had said anything before that. No one told me. Well, I did the responsible thing and went after her. She nearly killed me. That's how strong the bond was. Not just with him but with all of them, all the little Cartwright Crusaders. She was lucky, really, to get out when she did. Most of them died -- mass suicide -- killed themselves. Fifty-six of the poor beggars... She was lucky to come out with Justin. She wouldn't abort him. It was against her principles. That's why I said I'd take him. She wanted to give him up for adoption but I didn't want just anybody to look after him.

She couldn't have looked after him because it would have reminded her of Richard. Sometimes I think she still loves him, but her hate is equally as strong. Someone famous said love conquers hate; with Helen that was always the case.

You know, he never died, he never killed himself, that's the most unjust part of the whole story. All those people caught under his spell, most of them dead, the rest of them still carrying the scars.